I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
