Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
3pm strippers are depressing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
