i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize