I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
