Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
