PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
