Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
