So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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