I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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