Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
