yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
