I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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