The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
