Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize