Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
