the day after is always just damage control
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
