Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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