what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
