i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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