if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
