i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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