I wish I could teleport
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
