my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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