Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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