Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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