DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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