yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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