It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
