i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
