I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
