Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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