The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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