He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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