I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
