Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
