I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
