when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
