That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
