White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
