So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My penis needs a shock collar
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
