I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
