Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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