some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
