Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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