Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
