So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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