All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
