I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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