I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
