Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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