he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
