I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
