I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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