Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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