I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
