I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
