I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
