You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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