New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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