Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
