i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
