i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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