I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
