Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
