What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
